So I suppose I should start at the start – with a typical blog confession about how I’m sorry that I haven’t posted in 5+ months. But I say let’s skip the sorries and play catch up:
- Happy Spring / Summer 2017 to one and all
- Yes, I’m still Sober
- After 90 days with no alcohol at all I will now drink one beer, usually with delicious bad for you food like fried pickles. Planning to never drink the hard stuff again though, scotch and me are not friends anymore.
- Wheelchair Gear = still in the Drive Cougar, but I’ve got better accessories (bags, gloves, etc.) now and have upgraded my “get out of my way” please wheelchair bell. Hope I can afford a new chair this year.
- Wheelchair Skills = Getting pretty confident now, riding escalators both up and down in my chair. Still wish I was stronger but trying to be patient.
- Encountering Humans = getting better at it, people still stare and people still say rude things every day. Trying to softly educate. Sometimes the NYC Subway is fun and I like telling people about the Wheely App.
- Fitness = lifting weights sometimes, but not as often as I should. I kinda suck right here as I even had a super sweet NYC fitness guy offer to come help me a bit gratis. I need to call Hal.
- Food = cooking a lot more now, mostly vegetarian stuff. I make yummy things. Amazon Prime now makes me feel enabled, since I can do all the “grocery shopping”.
- Weight = Up. Still in fat guy pants but fun side effect of increased pain lately is I can’t/don’t eat so I’ve been dropping weight in the last few weeks.
- Meditation = Still loving Jon Kabat Zinn for Pain Control. Getting better with frequency but still not every single day like it should be.
- Drugs & Meds = Still taking no pharmaceutical pills except one anti-depressant, aka chemical suicidal tendencies suppression in progress. I think if you have neuropathy that’s important when pain levels are changing. I take a crap load of vitamins and herbs every day, if you want that list feel free to reach out to me. I smoke medical marijuana for pain which also helps my attitude.
- Neuropathy = Progressed but has now stabilized again. It used to be a typical day was like 4 pain level, but now it is more like a 6 on average. 8 used to be rare but it isn’t anymore. 10 pop happens a few times a week. (If you aren’t familiar with chronic illness a “10 Pop” is when your pain level goes to 10 and as a result you vomit or lose control of your bowels). I consider a 4-5 pain level a good day. On the bright side I also think I’m stabilizing in the land of pain level.
So now that we are up to speed – howdy and hello. 🙂
My heart hurts.
My goal this year is to become proudly disabled. I’m really trying to do the work but it’s hard. I slip back and move forward, which sometimes feels like a see-saw.
Recently I’ve mostly been trying to get my brain wrapped around a change in status. Some of the language there comes from Buddhism, which makes me smile. I’m still a ‘householder’ and not a monk but I have gone back to not having hair again – that feels great BTW.
I was a head of household for many years. I’m not anymore, I’m a contributor.
Moving from head of household to contributor creates all sorts of weird feelings.
I am not generally a fan of feelings – as my shrink likes to remind me I spent much of my youth developing excellent emotional suppression skills. Feelings are such strange things.
So I suppose I am simultaneously undergoing emotional awakening and status change while attempting to become proudly disabled.
So – ummm – fuck.
The light is always darkest before the dawn?
My daughter recently recommend I should sleep with a stuffed animal, and my Guy Diamond build a bear is doing a bang up job.
I want to help disabled people. I still want to create a guide to acquired disability book someday.
I’m trying to get my Ross Lasley Academy School going – changing my business over to residual revenue that allows me to be present as I can. If you are reading this and want a pass for free academy feel free to email me.
I’m not doing much on writing my next book – but I do expect to be able to get going on that this fall.
I will try and do a better job of keeping the world posted, all in all I am trying the very best I can to be compassionate, kind, and driven by love in my heart. Every time I do those things I feel better.